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The Real Truth About Bondage And BDSM

Posted: Aug 10 2015

The Real Truth about Bondage and BDSM Sex Party

If I believed everything I read in books, then I should expect any day to catch the eye of an eccentric billionaire and be whisked away to a private island where I willingly become his sex slave as he falls in love with me. Yeah…not happening. You just can’t believe everything that you read, and that extends to perceptions in pop culture about sex and kink. BDSM and bondage, for example, have had quite a run in the mainstream lately. Thanks to a certain story, interest in BDSM and bondage has skyrocketed. This is good in a way, because it encourages people to try new things in the bedroom, but it’s also bad when it comes to how BDSM and bondage are perceived in the popular media. I think it’s time to set the record straight when it comes to this particular kink, so let’s explore the myths surrounded BSDSM and bondage and tear them down!

Fifty Shades Is A Perfect Picture

If you talk to anyone in the BDSM community they will tell you without reservations that FSOG is most definitely not an accurate portrayal of a BDSM relationship. At its heart, BDSM is consensual. The play involved in a dynamic between a dominant and submissive is just that – play. It’s a scene or fantasy that is acted out safely and with both parties on board, and it only goes as far as either wants. What happened in FSOG is most definitely not what you’re going to get if you explore a relationship of this nature with someone. And that’s a good thing.

BDSM is All or Nothing

This is absolutely not true. You don’t go from vanilla missionary sex on Wednesday nights only to whips and chains and ball gags. One of the best things about exploring sexual play like BDSM and bondage is that there are a lot of levels to explore and it’s always completely within boundaries you are comfortable with. It’s possible to get tied up or spanked and balance that with other, tamer, sexual adventures.

It’s A Fetish

BDSM is not a fetish; it’s more like a kink or an erotic behavior. A fetish is sexual pleasure and satisfaction from a specific thing in place of intercourse. So, while objects or actions in BDSM play can be fetishized, in and of itself it is not a fetish.

Gender Roles

There seems to be a big misconception that the power dynamic in these relationships is strictly dominant men and submissive women – this assumption is wrong. In the BDSM community, women and men can be dominants or submissive, and they can switch back and forth too.

It’s A Dangerous Lifestyle

When it’s done right, with consent and safety measures well communicated, then there is no danger to this kind of play. In fact, communication about needs, desires and limits are often more discussed in BDSM relationships and encounters than just vanilla ones.

Domination Is Cruel

BDSM is about power, but more importantly it’s about trust. When you are placing your trust in your partner to care for you by submitting to them then they reward you with attention and pleasure. The punishment aspect to the relationship doesn’t necessarily mean you are hurting your partner. Punishments can range from denying sex or orgasms to making a partner wash all the dishes by hand for a week. It’s not about pain or violence, but power- and that aspect is recognized and talked about.

Humiliation Is Domination

Again, this seems to be an aspect of BDSM that is misrepresented in popular culture. Just like with many other things in life, there are extremes when it comes to BDSM. Some people pay professional Dom or Dommes to humiliate them, but these scenes are more often about an emotional release for the person requesting them. The thing is that professional Dom/Dommes know what they are doing, so if a person needs to work through a traumatic event in their lives in this way they are incompetent hands. Don’t ever try to do this with a lover who has a traumatic past on your own, you could do some unintended damage.

It’s also worth mentioning that if someone wants to play as a submissive that doesn’t necessarily mean they want to be treated like that in their everyday lives. There are some people that are what’s called “lifestyle submissives”, but that is not true of all subs and that doesn’t make those people a doormat.

It’s All About Sex

This isn’t entirely true. BDSM play can be foreplay, but most scenes that couples engage in during play don’t involve sex at all. In fact, in most BDSM communities there are more people who are interested in acting out scenes than there are people interested in having sex. That’s kind of surprising, isn’t it?

Only Prostitutes Will Do It for You

I guess if dressing up like a prostitute is part of the fantasy, then sure! Otherwise, it’s something normal people engage in too, not just the professionals. Most people that have BDSM relationships with one another exchange no money – only fun!

In the Know

So, now you are in the know when it comes to BDSM and bondage. The most important thing to remember about this lifestyle is that you should probably forget the assumptions you have made about it up until now. BDSM has some basic tenants about safety and consensual acts, but beyond that it means different things to different people. So, go forward with an open mind when it comes to kink and activities that you may not be into. Who knows, maybe if you try a little yourself you’ll unlock your inner dominant or submissive and be very happy that you did!

The Real Truth about Bondage and BDSM Conclusion

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