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How to Live Out Your Sex Fantasies

Posted: May 23 2015

In A Recent Study

Sexual fantasies: everyone’s got them. What may surprise you is how many people have sex fantasies outside what some consider “normal”. In a recent study in Canada, 52% of women and 46% of men said they fantasized about being tied up for sexual pleasure, and many reported being turned on by the ideas of group sex or forced sex. As humans, fantasy is natural and it’s healthy. So, if you want to explore your darker side a bit, here are some tips for how to do it safely and still have the time of your life.

If you’re looking to explore then the best thing you can do is find the right partner for what it is you want. Consensual and informed sex is the best, after all, and finding an adult on the same wavelength as you is important. If you’ve already got a partner then talk with them because it’s quite possible that they’ve been imagining you getting in that coconut bra and grass skirt just as much as you have. If you don’t have a partner there are a ton of legitimate websites you can go to in order to explore your sex fantasies. Just let your fingers do the talking and find some online resources to help guide you. Make sure to research potential partners thoroughly to keep yourself safe.

Information is Power

Let’s not forget that information is power, my friends and arming yourself with as much information as possible will help to ensure that you get what you want out of your sex fantasies. So, educate yourself. I’m not talking reading some BDSM romances either. Go out and find some resources to help you know what you need to in order to act out your fantasy safely! And without trying to sound too much like your mum, don’t drink or take drugs and then act out your fantasies. If you’re nervous it can be hard to resist a drink or two, but you want to go into this with a level head.

It’s really important to know the laws in your area too. There are some places in the world where sodomy is illegal and even consensual BDSM play can get you prosecuted for assault. Again, information is power so make sure you do your research. It’s also important to use your head on your shoulders first; if your sex fantasies are about forced sex or abduction or even prostitution, you don’t want anyone mistaking it for the real thing.

How to Live Out Your Sex Fantasies

Negotiation Is Super Important

Negotiation is super important. If you work everything out ahead of time, not only will it be safer but it will also make sure you get what you want out of your sex fantasies. Also, once you feel safe and secure in what is discussed and negotiated you can truly give yourself over to it and really live out your sex fantasies. Don’t forget the safe word, either. “No” or “stop” aren’t good ones because maybe you want to yell those out during the play and actually not have your partner stop. So, use a term that isn’t in everyday conversation. Rutabaga is always a great choice unless you have a rutabaga fantasy, in which case I’d choose something else.

So, if you’re going to do this I suggest going all in. Get an outfit that fits the part, come up with some phrases that will get you in character, grab a few sex toys – these are your sex fantasies so go for the gusto! Leave who you are every day at home and immerse yourself in the part you want to play. Acting like a prostitute or having a gang bang doesn’t mean you aren’t a decent person, it just means you’re a normal person who happens to be very lucky because you’re finally acting your sex fantasy out!

It Can Get Intense

Sex fantasies can get intense, and while it will bring you closer to your partner you do need to stop and check to make sure you both are ok during the play. So, check in regularly to make sure you’re both still having fun and on the same page. Either person has the right to stop at any time, so give yourself (and your partner) permission to go off script if they need to, stop and start again or just call it quits altogether. There’s always tomorrow!


After you’ve completed your sex fantasy scene make sure you give and get good aftercare. That means that you may need to talk about your feelings once it’s all over or get reassurance that what you did was ok. Both you and your partner should leave feeling respected, focused and reconnected. There’s lot of advice online to help you give and get good aftercare.

There’s no time like the present, you know. If there are sex fantasies you’ve had for the last 20 years get out and explore it. Now excuse me while I got get my chaps and spurs on.

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