A New Way To Think About Sex
Posted: May 06 2015
I remember when I first started dating my partner we were all over each other like white on rice on a paper plate in a snowstorm. We couldn’t get enough of each other, and I (very naively) thought that this is the way it would always be. Then life happened. We got married. We had children. Everything changed. The only white on rice in our household is actual white rice we get with Chinese takeout because I am too tired to cook.
Motherhood has a way of changing you. Some of those changes are incredible and exhilarating, and some are…not. One of the hardest things to overcome is the sleep deprivation. Forget torture, I say that if you want to get information from the enemy just stick them in a room with crying babies for a few hours – they’ll tell you anything you want to know! So, with the crying babies and the busy schedules, a few things fall by the wayside, including the intimacy and sex; and maybe a little personal hygiene.
This is a problem. Not only does it create distance in the relationship (because sex is important, people!), it also is a disservice you are doing to yourself. As we age our bodies may change, our desire may shift, our priorities get convoluted, but you need to always make yourself a priority. Forgetting that you are a desirable, attractive and sexual human being is not only a problem for your partner, but for your own self-image too.
So, next time you are lying in bed, thinking of how tired you are or how early you have to get up in the morning and you just don’t think you can bring yourself to be intimate with your partner I implore you to think of a few things I’m going to share with you right now. First, being a mother is hard. It gives you a completely different identity and often leads to feelings of invisibility in your life. But being with your partner can help to remind you of the girl you once were and that can have a rejuvenating impact that you didn’t even know you were missing.
Second, your partner needs attention. I know it can be hard after a long day to not zone out, but our partners really need to feel that they matter too. A little effort goes a long way. A smile that says “I’m happy to see you”, a hug, a kiss, a “special” hug that involves nudity – all of these things will have a huge impact on the relationship for both of you.
Third, the two of you need time together that is just for you. Remember the days when you couldn’t wait to see your partner? When they gave you butterflies and made you laugh? That person is still there, it’s just that sometimes it’s hard to see them through all the stuff going on in your life. Making time to be together and to be intimate is important. I don’t mean intimacy just as sex, either. I know for me if I don’t feel connected I’m not going to want to have sex. So, make the time to make the connection and the sex will follow.
Fourth, if you’re feeling stressed there is no better way to relieve it than with sex! That is a scientific fact, and I am not one to argue science. Muster up the energy and the interest to knock some boots and it’ll not only give you a release, but help you to release stress too.
Lastly, and best of all, sex is a blast. It’s fun. This is something you just need to remember when you’re thinking of all the reasons you don’t want to, because who doesn’t want to have fun?
The bottom line is that you deserve to feel good, and so does your partner. So, next time you’ve put the kids to bed, forget all the other stuff that is on your to-do list and put your partner at the top of it. To do.